I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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