im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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