Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
two words...techno handjob
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
