I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
