I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
