i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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