I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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