I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
