Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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