She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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