Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
