I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
