did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
