so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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