I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
someone owes me an orgasm
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
