I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
