When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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