he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
