i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
