The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
