He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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