guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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