if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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