i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
