the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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