Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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