this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize