She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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