if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
