Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
