Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
