the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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