i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize