Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
