At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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