I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
