Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
