i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
