That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
