I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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