once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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