shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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