I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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