What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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