He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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