why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
