I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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