life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
