so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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