You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
