my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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