i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
