so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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