i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
