everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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