went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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