Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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