His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
